Tuesday, October 8, 2013

STUDY: (NOT QUITE) PUMPKIN SPICE


A group of Westfield State University graduate students recently published a study entitled 'The Pumpkin Placebo' that is stirring controversy among the many consumers of pumpkin flavored delights. The study, using a sample of 3,000 persons ranging from 17 to 86 years of age, suggests that 94% of the surveyed Western Massachusetts population “have absolutely no idea what pumpkin actually tastes like".

“It's a little-known fact that most products claiming to have pumpkin flavoring have not one iota of the fruit many New Englanders enjoy,” 23 year old James Galvin tells us. “An overwhelming majority of those who participated in this project believe that pumpkin has a complex, spicy flavor" added Galvin. "We found at least three persons who described the taste of pumpkin as being similar to 'those things that stick out of a ham at Easter'."

The three hundred eighty-seven page report conducted by Galvin and the four other Westfield State graduate students exposed additional pumpkin-related misconceptions. An excerpt from the Discussion, titled 'Coffee ImPUMPsters' had been published on their website, gotpumpkin.org and is reported to be the most controversial hot-button of the entire report as it targets popular coffee shops in town.

“When all seven of the Dunkin' Donuts establishments in Westfield break out their fall line-up, pumpkin being the headliner of course, it misleads the public into thinking that they are, in fact, enjoying pumpkin flavor in their coffee,” Galvin explains. “I hate to think of what most people would do if they stuck their straws into actual pureed pumpkin. The disillusion would be crippling.”

The most disconcerting proof of Levine's comments are revealed on page 266 where the negative experience of one participant is revealed in graphic detail. Galvin explains, “It was difficult to watch. We'd simply introduced him to real pumpkin too early. To be fair, they're called experiments for a reason.”

The goal of the study according to the website is to 'Raise pumpkin awareness' and to educate the public about their favorite fall fare. “If ninety-three out of one hundred test subjects insist that a pumpkin is a vegetable, sometimes violently so, it's going to be a bumpy ride,” Galvin added.

TWN took to the streets for public opinion earlier this afternoon, showing excerpts of our recorded interview with Galvin while asking the question: Did you know that there's no pumpkin in the (food/drink item) you (eat/drink)?

“(Expletive), then what the (expletive) am I drinking, then?” Ben Lamb, a 17-year old Westfield High School student asked. "This white chocolate pumpkin latte sure tastes like pumpkin to me."

“Wait, she said there are seven Dunkin Donuts? There's eight in Westfield. Shows how much this guy knows,” said Haley Vincent.

For more of the same, and even more after that, it's got to be The Westfield Noise.

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