MARATHON SUSPECT TIED TO JFK, FAILED SPACE MISSIONS, TRAFFIC

According to a report filed Monday, Tamerlan Tsarnaev may have participated in the assassination of president John F Kennedy.

New evidence has surfaced that links the older Tsarnaev brother to the assassination of United States president John F Kennedy as well as implications relative to failed space exploration missions and general traffic congestion in some of the nation's biggest cities.

"Let's face it. If it happened, one or both of these guys was probably behind it" said an anonymous source.

Further examination of the report also eluded to Tsarnaev's potential involvement in failed Apollo space missions, some dating back as far as 1968.

Tsarnaev, accused of working with his younger brother to effect the Boston Marathon Bombings, died just days after the marathon being shot multiple times by local law enforcement and later run over by his younger brother, Dzhokhar.

The filing is prosecutors' attempt to block Dzhokhar Tsarnaev from getting certain information from authorities. According to prosecutors, the ongoing investigation into the JFK assassination is reason enough not to allow Dzhokhar Tsarnaev access to the documents he's seeking.

"This investigation is ongoing. We'll link these guys to putting Jesus on the cross if it'll buy us more time to get our story straight," prosecutors wrote.

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